Brokenness
by Seirra Ivana
Summary: Stiles sits alone every night and questions his worth. Finally he is thrown over the edge and decides that he is not needed anymore. Silently he has cried for someone to save him, will anyone hear? oneshot.


**Because I felt like it—**

Stiles sat in his restroom curled into a ball. He could hear his dad yelling through the locked door and would occasionally flinch when his father's fist came down hard on the door.  
"You cause me nothing but trouble! What are you even good for?! I swear if you weren't your mother's child!" A loud bang sounded over again as the sheriff tried to beat down the door.  
Stiles just sat as far away from the door as he could, his head in his arms. Tears fell silently as his father yelled and yelled and yelled. It wasn't as if his father meant it; Stiles knew that. It was just when he got drunk he had to take his anger out on someone and Stiles rather it was him than anyone else. But sometime Stiles wondered if there was some truth to those words.

"I swear Stilinski you are the epitomy of stupid." Stiles sighed and put his head on his desk. Of course he was what else could he be. He wished that his chemistry teacher could understand that there are more important things right now than knowing the answer to his question. But lately Stiles didn't feel like talking back or even cracking jokes; he did anyways because he didn't want anyone to be bothered with his problems. Especially when everyone else had much more important problems. Secretly though, he wished someone could see through his front; that someone could tell how hard it was for him to feign happiness. Everything can't go your way, Stiles knew that, but he still wished. Sometime he was disgusted at how selfish his thoughts were.

"Hey Stiles, sorry, I can't come over tonight or tomorrow. I'm spending the night with Allison." Scott grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.  
Stiles laughed, "Yeah! That is what I am talking about! Yeah, man, don't even worry about it." Stiles nodded, waved, and gave a thumbs up as Scott climbed into Allison's car. But as soon as they had left his smile fell into a grimace. He at least wanted one person to spend the anniversary of his mother's death with. His dad had work and well…..wasn't exactly stable right now. Stiles had thought that at least he'd have his best friend.

"_Mom, mom, please. Don't leave don't go, something bad is going to happen I'm begging you."  
"Oh honey, don't be like that you're almost 11 now. I think you can stay home by yourself for a little while."  
"No, at least take me with you, just in case."  
"Oh, is my big boy going to protect me?"  
"Always."  
"Okay then, if you insist."  
"I do."  
_Stiles remembers everything about that night. Everything except the killer's face. After he had said he would protect her, he watched her be murdered right in front of his face. There was nothing he could do but cry. Just like now, on this very night, six years ago. All he can do is cry and apologize for being so useless. Especially now, useless, good for nothing but trouble and being annoying and stupid. Why hadn't the killer killed him too? Wouldn't have been better if Stiles had died that night too? After all he was the one who wanted to go home. If they hadn't left so early from the party then the killer would have never intercepted them and his mother wouldn't have died. He brought nothing but trouble.

"Alright the Kanima is near. Let's split up. Isaac, Erika, Boyd and I will go to the right and Scott, Allison, and Stiles will go to the left. Got it?" Derek talked in a low voice but everyone heard clearly. "Let's move."  
The two groups circled around slowly. The Kanima was uneasy atop the small shed but didn't move.  
"Okay Stiles, I want you to distract the Kanima and when it comes after you don't move, Allison and I will intercept it."  
Stiles seemed a little off by Scotts plan but agreed to it. _You got this, Stiles. Do something right for once in your life. _He picked a rock and chunked it at the Kanima. It screamed and rushed forward. Stiles stood his ground, but it kept getting closer and closer. Scott wasn't intercepting it and Stiles started to panic. As it got to close for comfort, his instinct took over and tried to get away from it.  
"Stiles no!" But it was already too late. Stiles didn't see Allison and they collided. The Kanima had caught up to him and swung his claws, just barely missing Stiles; and just barely catching Allison in the chest.

There was a roar as Scott tackled the Kanima and a short fight, then Kanima escaped. Scott rushed up to Allison and looked at the scratches across her chest.  
"Scott I'll be fine they're just scratches and I won't be paralyzed for long I-"  
"No! It's not okay! Stiles this is your fault! I asked you to do one thing and you completely screw it up! Now Allison's hurt and the Kanima escaped! God, aren't you good for anything? How can be so stupid, you're such an idiot! Why are you even here?! Just go! GO HOME! YOU AREN'T NEEDED!"  
Stiles felt as though a decision had been made, "Okay." He nodded and turned towards his jeep. He would go home and he would end the burdens he was causing everyone. Finally no one would have to deal with him any longer. It would all be over and their lives would be so much smoother; so much better without him there.  
"Scott, you didn't have to yell at him like that….."  
"Hey what happened here?"  
"Yeah, we heard yelling."  
All the voices faded as Stiles climbed into his jeep and drove home.

Stiles thought about getting drunk first, but then decided that he wanted to be completely sober for this. He decided on pills so that he could just drift into an eternal sleep. He opened the locked drawer on his desk. In the drawer there was a pistol, a bottle of pills, alcohol, a knife, and a razor blade. He always kept this drawer locked because he considered it his shame drawer. He was ashamed of the reasons he had such things, but it had always made him feel better knowing there was a way out. Stiles picked up the bottle of pills and a bottle of wine he took from his dad. It was old and aged; Stiles figured at least it could be a little classy.

He sat on his bed and before he could hesitate, shoved the pills down his throat, chasing it with wine, until the entire bottle was empty. After a few minutes (or hours?) darkness seeped into the edges of his vision. Stiles smiled, "Finally, I'm coming Momma."

Derek grumbled, why did Scott have to go and yell at Stiles like that? Now, as alpha, he had to go see what had happened to him. Derek couldn't have his pack split up. As he neared Stiles house he saw his jeep. _Good he's here._ Derek climbed up to Stiles' window and stopped. Something was off. Stiles scent seemed different. Derek listened for his heartbeat; there it was, but it was slow and getting slower. Confused he threw open the window and rushed over to Stiles' sleeping form. Except he wasn't sleeping, he was unconscious.  
"Stiles, what did you do?" Derek flipped on the light and saw the pill bottle; the empty pill bottle. Stiles' heart rate went down again. Derek started to panic; he needed to bring him to the hospital.

He didn't bring his car so he carried Stiles as he ran at superhuman speed. Luckily he got there in time. The doctor pumped his stomach and was able to ensure that he would live. But Derek wasn't satisfied, what had made Stiles do something do stupid? He couldn't imagine the boy being so down that he thought he had to end his life. The question burned in Derek's mind; he had to talk to Stiles. He got up and met the nurse.  
"Is he awake? Can I see him?"  
The nurse smiled sadly, "Yeah honey, of course." She stopped him and looked at him with sad eyes, "It's a good thing you were there. No life should end this way." He could feel that she was trying hard not to cry. This woman, who had never even met Stiles, was sad for him. Maybe, Derek thought, everyone should be like that.

The room was dark when Derek stepped in, the only light coming in from the window. The moon was a crescent tonight. Stiles was standing there, blanket wrapped around him, staring out the window. Derek walked closer, but stopped when he heard Stiles' voice.  
"Ever since I was a little kid I've always wondered what it was like to fly." Stiles' voice was so dead and hollow it absolutely terrified Derek. The way he was talking, it was like he wasn't really even there; like he wasn't alive. "I used to envy the birds that flew above me." Stiles reached down and pulled open the window, leaning out. Derek was there in seconds, his arm across Stiles' chest.  
"I….just wanted to feel the breeze."  
Derek felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow. He laid his head on Stiles' shoulder and listened; there it was, slow, but steady. The beating of his heart; Stiles' was alive. He put his hands where Stiles' were resting on the window latch and closed the window. He guided him across the room to his bed.  
"Stiles' get some rest."  
Stiles nodded and did as Derek said. Raising the blankets over his head, Stiles just barely heard Derek's words.  
"Please don't disappear."  
Stiles clutched his pillow and wept silently. Derek will never understand just how powerful his words were.

**Yes, very sad. Just a little something I came up with although it's not my best I hope it was enjoyable. If you liked please review and if you didn't review and tell me why. I appreciate all reviews.**


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